How to Disclose Your HIV Status to Someone You’re Dating

One of the quirks of being open and outspoken about living with HIV in the new millennium is that — as we navigate the current age of miracle treatments and criminalization controversies — I get asked questions weekly about HIV. I get asked questions about HIV etiquette all the time, and while this is a blessing and a curse — educating people is nice, but damn, people can be ignorant at times — I got together with Gay. What do I do? Come on. Nevertheless, we can outline several steps to take when you find out that stud is carrying one of the scarier and most stigmatized viruses around. Step 1 : Relax. Last year around this time, I was interested in a man so in casual conversation, before even propositioning him, I mentioned my HIV status.

Talking About Your HIV Status

I remember where I was. The doctor was a stern-faced woman with blonde hair and a golden cross dangling around her neck. I was living in Savannah, Georgia, and completing my last year of college. I was in the clinic for several hours, thumbing through informational pamphlets on the coffee table in the little counseling room. Over the next six months, I became very depressed. But eventually, the fog lifted, thanks primarily to sex.

You will be more comfortable talking to your friend about HIV and AIDS if you know the facts. AIDS (acquired immune deficiency syndrome) happens after someone has had HIV Tell your friend that you will not break his or her trust by telling others. People with HIV can date, have sex, get married, and have families.

Huge strides have been made in terms of treatment, prevention, and medical access. Yet even given this monumental medical progress, being diagnosed can feel like one of the most devastating experiences of your life. With the right tools, support, and knowledge, though, hope awaits. Your life might not be the same, but you can choose to prioritize your happiness and health.

Here are five tips for navigating a thriving, HIV-positive lifestyle:. When diagnosed with HIV, your life may feel turned upside down. Your hopes and dreams for the future can seem like they are pushed to the side, or even annihilated at the time of diagnosis.

The HIV-Positive Person’s Guide to Sex and Dating, Part One

Related: All topics , Disclosure , Sero different couples. I explained to him that my viral load has been undetectable for a year now and that I am doing well with treatment. I tried to inform him about positive people.

This may be one of the hardest things you have to do. When telling a casual partner or someone you are dating, each situation is different.

There are many people living with HIV. If you have a friend with HIV, just keep being a friend! That is what your friend needs most. HIV human immunodeficiency virus is a virus that attacks the immune system. The immune system becomes weaker, making it harder for the body to fight off infections and some kinds of cancers. In AIDS, the immune system is severely weakened. Serious infections and health problems happen. HIV spreads when infected blood or body fluids such as semen or vaginal fluids enter the body.

This can happen:. If your friend seems very sad or overwhelmed, ask if talking to a therapist might be helpful. You can’t get HIV from the kind of casual contact you’d have with a friend, like sharing a glass, kissing on the cheek, hugging, or shaking hands. You can get HIV by having sex vaginal, oral, or anal , by sharing needles with someone.

7 Things To Know About Dating Someone HIV Positive

My First Time is a column and podcast series exploring sexuality, gender, and kink with the wide-eyed curiosity of a virgin. We all know your “first time” is about a lot more than just popping your cherry. From experimenting with kink to just trying something new and wild, everyone experiences thousands of first times in the bedroom—that’s how sex stays fun, right? I found out I had HIV in a really weird way. My partner at the time became very ill and was rushed to hospital, and it turned out that they had a very serious AIDS-related illness.

This was in the early 90s, before HIV medication, when doctors would literally tell you that you were going to die.

and (online) dating for men, stories of other gay men and information on hiv/​AIDS, If you have only just found out that you have HIV, tell your steady partner as soon as you’ve had sex with over the past year if you still know how to contact them. Someone who is HIV positive is likely to find out that he has some other.

It was February and I sat alone at home in Atlanta, Georgia. But that never seemed like it was going to happen. I let my friend give my number to the project manager, and a couple of minutes later, my phone rang. He said our mutual friend had told him about me, but he wanted me to describe myself in my own words. My heart stopped. What did he want to hear? I go to work, come home to have dinner alone, and wake up every day to do it all over again, I thought.

After about an hour of telling him about myself, I decided to flip the script and ask him more about his personal life.

How to React When Your Crush Says He’s HIV-Positive

Being in love, going steady, or even getting married does not automatically protect you from HIV. You can only get HIV from someone who is infected with HIV, and even then only if you are involved in risky activities that can spread the virus. But even people who have sex with only one person can get HIV.

If you’re having protected sex there’s no law saying you must tell your partners that you had sex with someone who didn’t know you had HIV; you knew you had HIV at that at a later date or wait until they have got to know the person better.

It is important to have conversations with your partner about safer sex and healthy relationships, but that can be a lot easier said than done. Worried about how your new or existing guy is going to react? Check out the advice below from other men on how to make these conversations work. These are just suggestions collected from some gay and bisexual men. Try to approach the situation with confidence. For all you know, he could be just as worried as you to bring it up.

Just remember, nearly everyone who is having sex will have this conversation at some point, and many other guys before you have already done it. Skip directly to site content Skip directly to page options Skip directly to A-Z link. Section Navigation. Conversation Starters. English US.

Couples With Mixed HIV Status

Telling partners when you are in a relationship Many people find it hard to tell a partner about their HIV status. While some people do react badly to news that their partner is HIV positive, others offer support. The views expressed here are of gay and Black African communities that we interviewed in I have got a girlfriend here.

Hearing that you have HIV can be shocking, but people with HIV can live a long and healthy Some people might also feel relief that they finally know the truth. You’ll usually be told your results in person. Getting up-to-date information.

You got a cure. You did not get arrested. A substantial number of persons living with HIV engage in sex with partners who are unaware of their HIV-positive serostatus. Others will not. Some may not have sexual contact with the partner again. Others will continue a sexual relationship but will never disclose. Still other persons living with HIV choose to forgo sex entirely rather than risk disclosing their HIV-positive serostatus to potential sex partners. Barriers to disclosure include fear of rejection, fear of a partner reacting with anger or even violence, and fear of losing control over very private, potentially-damaging information.

Seropositive status disclosure allows couples to make informed choices and together reduce the possibility of HIV transmission. Specifically, the concern is that HIV disclosure laws may deter persons who have HIV or are at risk for HIV infection from accessing public services designed to diagnose and treat persons who are HIV-infected and to prevent further transmission.

Critics suggest that HIV disclosure laws may provide a disincentive for HIV-positive persons to disclose their HIV positive serostatus to others lest their sexual behavior come under the scrutiny of the law. Although scholars in law and public health have questioned whether the criminalization of HIV exposure may in some ways hamper efforts to combat HIV infection, few studies have empirically investigated the topic, 18 , 20 , 21 and only one prior study has addressed the topic through discussion with persons living with HIV.

Our objective was to better understand the law from the perspective of the persons whose behavior it regulates and upon whom the success of HIV prevention efforts largely depends. We sought to explore common concerns about the potential negative effects of HIV disclosure laws on persons living with HIV in order to identify potential barriers to positive health behavior and quality of life.

Living with HIV: 5 Tips for Healthily, Happily Navigating a Post-Diagnosis Lifestyle

You may not know the HIV status of your partner. You might not even have been tested yourself. It can be very difficult to talk about HIV status. See fact sheet for some ideas. People in mixed-status relationships face all the same things as other couples.

Living with HIV: 5 Tips for Healthily, Happily Navigating a Post-Diagnosis Lifestyle Start with your closest friend – the person you know will always have your back – as a “trial run” When you’re ready, do allow yourself to date again! Dating.

I was 28 and he was just hitting It was my first steady, long-term relationship, and we did what I used to think of as “grown-up” things. Like having Sunday football parties or fighting in Home Depot about what color to paint an accent wall in our living room. We made complex weekday dinners to distract ourselves from the fact that we were both pretty bored with each other. Of course, I wasn’t really grown up, because I had never even been tested for HIV at my yearly checkup at Planned Parenthood , where I went for primary care.

Taking care of your health is more adult than playing house with a boyfriend, yet, even though I had been tested for STIs, I had never thought of getting an HIV test. But one day, randomly, I added the HIV rapid test to the list of things to do before intake to my pap smear appointment.


Dating can be tricky for anyone, but if you are living with HIV, there are some extra things to think about. Two important things to consider are:. If you are looking for a positive partner, consider going to places online and in person where you will meet other people living with HIV.

“But if you’re trying to find someone through a dating site and you tell them your status before they’ve even met you, they’ll choose someone.

When you test positive for HIV, it can be difficult to know who to tell about it, and how to tell them. Take your time to decide who to tell and how you will approach them. It can be very difficult to disclose your status to sexual partners or people you shared needles with. However, it is very important that they know so they can decide to get tested and, if they test positive, get the health care they need. The Department of Health can tell people you might have exposed, without using your name.

You may want to tell your employer if your HIV illness or treatments interfere with your job performance. Get a letter from your doctor that explains what you need to do for your health taking medications, rest periods, etc. Talk with your boss or personnel director.

Dating with HIV: this is what it’s really like to live with HIV

The closer I got to my stop, the faster my heart thumped. I wanted to turn around and forget it. I was 19 years old, going to see the man I’d had a crush on since eighth grade—but I never wanted to feel the way I felt in that moment again. In retrospect, we’d always been more than friends, somewhere in that gray area where you’re not quite sure how the other person truly feels. Most recently, we’d reconnected after a two-year silence—so it seemed like the right time to put everything out in the open and see what would happen next.

We now have the scientific data to say you may be “infected” but you are not ‘​infectious’.” A person living with HIV with a sustained suppressed viral load We’re the guy working out next to you at the gym, the cutie in the.

I am an HIV-positive, year-old gay man. I tested positive for HIV in , when I was 45 years old. And while there have been amazing breakthroughs in science and in education regarding HIV and its transmission, sometimes dating with HIV still feels scary. Sometimes those of us with HIV still live under the stigma of the disease , both from within ourselves and from outside.

My boyfriend, Noah, is HIV-negative. I told him my HIV status before we ever went on our first date. But I think we can work through anything if we want to. Maybe I will go do a little education just so I know what everything means. And learning to date after you find out you are HIV-positive can be scary. Sometimes other people will say things that can be hurtful.

But in my experience, most of the time, people have been amazing and kind, and honestly way more educated about dating with HIV than I would have thought. A person should never feel ashamed of his HIV status, or feel less than or unworthy of love. I tell people right away, before I even meet them. The reason for this is less about them and more about myself.

Living With HIV: Dating & Relationships